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Options 1671 to 1681
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Anyone you touch immediately loses all their hair
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Everyone always talks to you in baby talk
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Have paws and never be able to pick up anything
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Have no thumbs
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Chaperone a middleschool dance forever
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Be Jabba the Hutt
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Everyone thinks that you're actually a dog and treats you like one
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An unkillable spirit of vengeance keeps striking you repeatedly with an ordinary tablespoon. Each blow is only a minor annoyance, and you can run away from it for brief periods of time, but it will always follow you and will never, ever stop.
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Forget about everyone you know
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Humanity is brought to the brink of extinction by a pandemic.