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  1. Be the shortest person on earth
  2. Have perpetually dry lips that no amount of lip balm will help
  3. Have the guts of a boiling hot pizza pop squirted into each of your ears
  4. Have a comically oversized shampoo bottle for a leg
  5. Be only able to see out of eyes on the back of your head
  6. Wet yourself every time someone says the word "chair"
  7. Have diced habernero peppers rubbed in your eyes
  8. Fall desperately in love with someone who can't stand you
  9. Have the face of the cat
  10. You become a billionaire but your 5 closest friends die


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