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  1. Your full name is equivalent to all of the words spoken by and around you throughout your entire lifetime
  2. The only bathrooms you can use for the rest of your life are the Burger King restrooms.
  3. You were abducted by aliens and returned a day later with an unremovable ear tag and tracking collar.
  4. Be a dwarf
  5. Grow up in an orphanage
  6. Have a prominent pair of tusks
  7. The government is spying on your every move (just for fun)
  8. Have hedgehog spines covering your back and scalp
  9. Every email or text you send is misinterpreted
  10. Fall into a vat of painfully hot, but not boiling, water


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