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Options 1213 to 1223
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Be named Shutup
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Be a herbivore, only capable of digesting plant matter
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Always wear rollerblades
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Fall into a vat of manure
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The Punisher bears you a minor grudge
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Everyone except you knows aliens exist, but they hide it from you and mock you behind your back
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A vat of boiling water materializes around you. One second later it disappears.
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Find out the Bea Arthur is your real mother
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Every time you sneeze you fire a shotgun blast out of your mouth.
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Live as a homeless person in a place with a nice climate