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  1. Have everyone sing The Unbirthday song from Alice in Wonderland to you every day but be ignored on your real birthday
  2. Embrace stoicism
  3. Everyone you ever meet forgets your name
  4. The only computer you can use from now on is an iPad
  5. Your two closest male co-workers walk up to your desk, pee on it (while chatting about sports) then walk away as if nothing happened
  6. Everything look like claymation to you
  7. The Great Lakes cease to exist
  8. Never get married
  9. Find one cockroach every time you open your toilet
  10. Blow you nose with sandpaper for a week


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