You have to pick:

I'd do it for free. Shhh.

Won't have to put up with that for long, at least.

I can only assume you magically survive this. In fact, I'm going to assume you aren't harmed, but rather you feel the pain from all this but somehow survive unscathed.

Otherwise this really sucks and is basically akin to "you die tomorrow morning."

It's impossible to murder someone with no consequences. That person being dead is a consequence of your murder. Furthermore, they most likely have family and friends who would be affected as a result.

I think it means no negative consequences to you personally.